We can’t make lasting, positive change from a state of negative emotions.
We can’t hate our bodies to health and wellness.
It’s like those famous experiments of speaking positive and negative words to two different plants…over time the positive plant grows and blooms beautifully and of course, the one spoken to with negative words hardly grows in comparison. Our thoughts create emotional frequency that our bodies respond to.
Here’s how I’m practicing gratitude for the body I have right now, from a state of love and compassion versus self-loathing and punishment. I make a list of neutral facts plus some things I already love about my body.
I have a body.
I have legs that walk me around.
I have a belly that grew a baby.
I have organs that work nonstop all on their own to keep my body running.
I have hair.
I have eyes that see so much beauty in the world.
I have ears that hear music.
I have lungs that breathe all day and all night.
I have a mouth and vocal cords that helps me sing to my son and speak my truth.
When I make it a point to look for these things I’m re-training my brain. It’s already very good at looking for problems to solve and seeing all the things that I’ve been taught are “wrong” with my body. The truth is my body is actually perfect as it is now because it’s literally here doing exactly what bodies are made to do. It’s been hard to look at my body and the fat deposits as good or perfect. I’ve been taught to see them as a problem.
But what if fat storage is the exact way your body protects you and keeps you safe? What if the energy in your fat cells is just unused potential?
Both physical energy to power your body and emotional energy ready to be released. Not a reflection of “bad” character.
If we aren’t processing and expressing our emotions out of our body then it gets stored somehow or another. Whether in fat deposits, like in my body, or as illness and pain, your body has to do something with that energy. We unconsciously feed ourselves food that isn’t in alignment with our highest good because our thoughts are out of alignment.
Let’s process and express old emotions and energy, and focus on creating positive thoughts about the body we have right now. Flushing out the old with new.
Gratitude for everything your body is and does right here in this moment.
So how do we apply this practically to what we’re putting in our bodies?
Think like this…
If you already loved and accepted all that you are right now, how would you eat? How would you drink? Mindlessly stuffing your face with pizza while watching Netflix? Or taking the time to lovingly prepare meals full of whole foods and nutrients?
Short version: I’m going to be documenting, sharing mindset tools and discoveries, and all things weight loss and wellness journey in my Mindset + Motherhood group. Wanna join? Click the link down below!
So, it’s obvious I have some extra weight to lose, a lot actually, and I was on a good weight-loss roll right before I met my husband, I had lost about 20 pounds then another 15 after we started dating. It was the first time I was consistent about anything for myself, first time I was losing weight WITHOUT feeling deprived. I was feeling urges that I pushed through and then just like that the urges just stopped coming. It felt so amazing to see the physical results of me re-wiring my brain.
During our new relationship and going through my coach certification, new layers of old trauma unfolded. I was discovering old weeds that needed to be uprooted. I avoided a lot of it and ate off plan to numb myself. Then we got married and had Cory. New trauma of childbirth and postpartum…and again I tried to stay on my normal low-carb plan but was worried about my milk supply so I threw that out and felt this enormous hunger…like all the time. Thanks breastfeeding! I’ve been walking this line of wanting to lose weight again yet not wanting to mess up breastfeeding, thinking it was impossible for me. Then we decided to move to NY and again, tried to eat on plan yet chose to avoid the whole issue and just get through each day. So, here I am, back to where I was before I lost those 35 pounds in 2017. I take full responsibility for avoiding all the emotional stuff I knew would come up from committing to losing weight again. I’m now ready to move forward.
A little background info for those of you who met me in just the last few years, you may not know this but I’ve been trying to lose weight pretty much my whole life, or the past 20 years at least. I’m actually kind of a pro at starting weight loss programs and exercise regimens. I’ve had about 10 different gym memberships and started many, many diets and programs including…starvation/500 calories a day, Atkins, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, juice cleanses, supplement cleanses, Vegan, Keto, low-carb, calories-in/calories-out, etc etc etc. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, been on and off meds for years. Most recently did a gut bacteria test that was off the charts imbalanced and am currently taking supplements to heal my leaky gut. Since I was 18 I’ve lost and gained about EIGHTY pounds.
So, here we are. First thing’s first…grace and compassion for myself. For little Emily who believed what she was told by family, friends, and society, that she was too big, too much, and yet not enough. For young adult Emily who started to live her own life and grow up but didn’t have the tools to deal with traumas, new and old. For wife and mom Emily who avoided her pain to protect herself, yet show up every day for her family. For Life Coach Emily who is still a human, always learning and unlearning.
Now I have all the mindset coaching tools in my toolbox. I have a food plan. I have a workout plan. I am ready to go. Yet, there’s a tiny thing missing for me. I want to share this with other moms who may be in a similar situation, desperate to lose weight or already losing weight, and need just a little bit of inspiration and motivation. Accountability for actions. Support from like-minded folks. There are so many diet/workout/wellness programs out there so I’m not trying to recreate the wheel here. I just want a place we can chat and share without feeling like we’re bombarding our friends and family who have seen our weight loss journey shenanigans over and over. So, I’m going to be documenting, sharing mindset tools and discoveries, and all things weight loss and wellness in my Motherhood + Mindset group. Moms especially need to revolutionize their self-care, whether it’s about losing weight, getting healthier and more fit, or to simply care about the basics like making sure you brush your teeth at least twice a day. This personal revolution has to start within our minds. And we need support to do that.
If you’ve read this far, thank you! I love knowing you read my blog and reading comments and messages about what you think.
If you’re interested in joining, here’s the basic framework:
It’s completely free. Seriously, I just want a space for myself and others like me who need to express, ask questions, and grow.
Weekly weigh-in on Friday mornings where you do not post your actual weight, ONLY the number difference on the scale from the week prior. If I lost 2.4 pounds I would post my comment “-2.4 ” (This is only for accountability and information. No judgement around numbers.)
Once a week post for Non-Scale Victories (NSV), i.e. new size clothing, lost inches, skin clearing up, headaches gone, increased sex drive, etc. 😉
I’ll come in and chat about what’s happening in my emotional eating life, answer questions, share discoveries.
You can post questions and get coaching from me. This helps you, helps other people in the group see that they’re not alone, and helps me sharpen my coaching skills. Just post with #coaching at the top so we know you’re asking for it.
You’re free to post food, workout, and general wellness ideas, tips, tricks, etc. but NO pushy salesy junk on any products or programs you’re apart of or sell, and NO private messaging people trying to sell stuff. No time for that.
BYOP-Bring Your Own Plan: I will not tell you what to eat, how to eat, when to eat, how to workout, to workout at all, or anything of the like. I will only share my own food and movement plans. You choose your thing and commit to it. I help you when you want to quit on yourself. I will also not allow anyone to try to tell you what to do or play Dr. Google and diagnose you.
The first FIVE people to join the group and commit to a plan with me will receive a free copy of The PUNCH-LINE Approach by my Coach, Kim Guillory. This short and easy-to-read book is the basic framework and toolkit for me as an Integrative Life Coach. This process is what I’ve used to create all the new wonderful things in my life since my major depression in 2016. At my highest weight, coming out of yet another failed relationship, I wanted to die, and coaching changed my life. And it continues to be my life raft.
There are so many groups specific to different diet and exercise plans. I want a place where we get into the nitty gritty of the mindset work required to make real, lasting change. I want a safe, soft place to land each day as we go through this path to wellness. I’m inviting you to join me.
P.S. I’m fully aware that men also have emotional eating and weight issues. However I am not a man, and I want a ladies only group to create a more secluded space to house this kind of vulnerability. I do know a male Integrative Life Coach who specializes in weight loss and wellness who has done the work himself. Private message me if you need help from a male coach.
You are not your feelings. You are not your thoughts. You are not the brain that creates the thoughts. You are not the body that houses the brain. You are outside of all of this as Spirit/Soul and are made completely of Love. You are just experiencing this body, this brain, these thoughts, these emotions. When you can separate yourself from all of this, You can get curious and just watch what your brain is doing. This is called awareness, or presence. Your brain is simply the hardware and your thoughts are the software, the programming that’s been encoded since you were a fetus. You get to choose how you respond to this programming, what you make it mean about You, and if You would like to change it, to reprogram. This is the work we do. As a Life Coach, I help you see your thoughts. I help you separate the facts from your thoughts, You from your emotions, You from your actions. You decide what to keep and what to let go. You are your very own healer. I’m just a guide. Take a few minutes today and just watch yourself think. Take it a step further and write down these thoughts. Do you like what you see? Why or why not? Get curious!
Here’s my problem with “happy wife, happy life”…it’s fooled us into thinking that our husband’s job description starting the day we got married was to make us happy. Even though we intellectually know that this isn’t true, there is a hidden belief that says now that we’re married he’s supposed to live and breathe for my joy. The truth is we are each individually responsible for our own emotions, including happiness. We’ve written this subconscious operating manual for how our husbands are supposed to behave. They’ve never read this manual. We think they should just know. We judge them and compare them to other husbands. This is the very cause of our suffering, my friends! Guess what! Husbands are just humans who are married to another human! Despite popular belief, men are just as emotionally complex as women. They’ve just been taught very different programming on how to express their emotions. Pride and the need to look tough mask the softer underbelly of emotions like sadness, worry, fear, or grief. Throw in some childhood and past relationship traumas on each side and man, you’re in for a wild ride of confusion and miscommunication. This is why doing your own work on your old stories and beliefs is priceless. Investing in coaching not only helped me attract my relationship to me but continues to save me from ruining it! I thought my husband needed to change yet I was the one acting from anxiety, scarcity, fear of abandonment, and much more. I learned that my only job as a wife in this relationship is to love my husband. I get to feel love when I think loving thoughts. It’s so fun to feel love! My husband’s only job is to exist and be loved by me. That’s it! We can make requests of each other. We can express feelings and desires. But we communicate so much better when we drop the expectations, judgements, and comparisons, and come from a place of love, grace, and compassion. Let’s say “emotionally responsible wife, emotionally responsible life” instead, okay?