My mother, my best friend.

Today, I realized my mom is my best friend. I couldn’t feel more lucky to have her in my life. The last few conversations with her have included her telling me that she loves me, that she’s proud of me, that she believes in me and all of my desires. Could it get any better than that?

 

A little while back I decided to just mother myself the way I thought she should have throughout my childhood. I decided that I would love myself unconditionally. That I would believe in myself and my dreams. That I would be proud of myself every day.

 

Turns out I always was mothered like that by my own mom! No matter what I thought she should have done or said throughout my life, she has always loved who I was. She’s never criticized or judged my lifestyle. She’s never demanded I go out and live my life a certain way to make her happy. She’s never told me I was an embarrassment to the family. She’s always had my back when I’ve felt alone in the world. When I’m hurting, emotionally or physically, she’s the one I want to call. When all hell breaks loose in my world, I want her to know, not so she can fix it but so she can just simply love me through it.

 

A few years ago, I could not have imagined saying any of this because I was choosing to think certain thoughts about my childhood, my young adulthood and her own life. She’s changed and grown in certain ways, but not because I changed her. She’s transforming her own life because she wants to. I’m lucky enough to witness it. We’re both able to see each other move gracefully through the world, growing, changing, being challenged. When I released all the ideas of what she should do in order to make me feel a certain way, I let her be who she is, which is perfect, I get to just enjoy her.

 

It’s simply beautiful.

 


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!

The Not So Little Ballerina

I posted this on Instagram/Facebook yesterday and figured I would expand on my thoughts here.

“A long time ago, when I took a free community ballet class as an inspired 11 year old, someone close to me said I was “too fat to be a ballerina” and unfortunately, I cemented that thought into a belief for many years. Even though I grew up and decided to be a dancer anyway through ballroom and social dancing, there was always that cemented blocker between me and ballet. It was too late and I was just too fat. Today, I decide to break that barrier and take my first adult beginner ballet class. Even though I may not ever look like @mistyonpointe I love her message of loving AND dancing in the body you’re in. Here’s to being whatever the hell I want to be!”

As a child, whenever I watched movies with singing and dancing in them I was glued. I would secretly move my hips around and around in the mirror like they did in Dirty Dancing. I would run through my house, leaping in the air, pretending to be Jody from Center Stage. I would watch music videos and try to keep up with the fast choreography of Michael, Janet, Britney, Christina, and so many more.

Even though I was a natural performer, I was only able to participate in the free stuff at school like talent shows and holiday programs, Theater Class and Choir. But dance classes and teams cost a lot of money so I just pretended, hoping and wishing that someday I would magically turn into a ballerina.

Don’t worry, this is not a woe-is-me story about a poor kid. I’m way over blaming my childhood for my adulthood however this is the background of my current story.

The current story I am deciding to tell is that I am capable of doing anything I damn well please. I won’t let my current body shape, finances, or opinions of other people slow me down, any longer. The last ten years I’ve been heavily involved in the social dance scene, especially West Coast Swing, and there were certainly times of insecurity and doubt but I loved it so much that I persisted. The life lessons I learned because of dance are immeasurable and priceless. Doing scary things makes you tougher and more beautiful.

Now, I’m starting a new dance journey of all the dances that I thought I was too fat or too poor to do when I was a little wannabe dancer. Yesterday I started with ballet. Soon, I’ll enroll in jazz and tap classes. I took a peak at the lyrical hip-hop class in the studio next to my ballet class and as my body gets stronger, I’m signing up for that one, too.

I feel like a whole new dancer has been reborn inside me.

This not-so-little ballerina is coming out, wiggles and jiggles and all!

 

*Stay tuned for more stories from this new dance journey as I log more life lessons, wins and failures.

 

 

 

**Image from http://mistycopeland.com/


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!

 

Mind Games

We create our own Heaven or Hell here on Earth, I believe, with our thoughts. This is not about “the Secret” or “Law of Attraction” stuff. This is not about just saying words to yourself in the mirror everyday and hoping a magic genie will appear and grant you your wishes.  Although, it is pretty simple. I’ve learned thoughts create feelings which drive actions which create the results you see in your life. Sometimes those results are hellacious and sometimes, heavenly.

I’ve been creating some of my very own misery lately. All by myself, no help needed. I’ll notice a negative thought, or let’s get real, many negative thoughts, and then still wonder why I’m feeling anxiety or why my stomach is flip flopping all day. I love when this happens because I realize just how much of a beginner I am at life. I’ll feel wise and accomplished and then BAM. I’m humbled again. I welcome these teaching moments. They help me push through and work these life muscles. I get stronger and stronger each time.

As an outsider looking into my life you might not see any reason to think negative thoughts. And you would be correct, my friend. Life is amazing. My life is amazing. However, I still wake up with self-loathing and anxiety. I know that in those early waking moments I have a choice. Indulge in those emotions and let them drive my actions for the rest of the day, which will inevitably create more misery. OR, I can notice these thoughts and remember how tricky this brain can be and say, “Not-uh, buddy. Not today.” And then choose new thoughts that align with my greater purpose and goals.

This morning’s thoughts went like this….

As I notice my stomach not feeling great, “GOD EMILY WHY ALL THE ICE CREAM??”

(My mom and I ate Ben & Jerry’s together while watching some Netflix last night. Don’t judge. It makes you ugly.)

As I notice my knees creaking and cracking, “Jesus, Emily, lose the damn weight already and you wouldn’t feel like a 70 year old. Get your shit together.”

As I wash my hands in the bathroom sink and look at my face in the mirror, “Emily, if you don’t f*!@#ing start wearing sunscreen you’re going to lose the only damn thing going for you.”

And so on and so on.

I would never talk to my friends or family like this. It hurts to even see these words on the screen. Why are we so hard on ourselves!? It’s going to take rewiring this brain of mine every single day for the rest of my life to create new automatic morning thoughts but I’m willing to put in the work to reap the reward.

Here are some new thoughts I’m creating this morning instead…

As I notice the way my bedhead hair falls over to one side, “Ooh girl, you look kinda cute in the mornings.”

As I notice the soreness in my thighs from working out yesterday, “Man, I love how muscles work. My legs are so strong. Thick thighs saves lives.”

As I check my financials online, “Yes, I’m moving towards my financial goals like a damn BOSS!”

As I look at the day ahead, “Life is so amazing. I am so dang lucky to be living my life. I can’t wait to see what love and laughter I can create today.”

What kinda life are your thoughts creating? Hope it’s heavenly!

 


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!

The 29th on the 14th

So, it begins, the last year in my 20s. For a few months now, thinking ahead to this 29th birthday, I started asking myself some serious questions, receiving some fascinating answers, and taking some serious action. I’m not sure why, although I’m sure a lot of people can relate, but turning 30 meant a lot to me growing up. I knew that this milestone signified something. That “something” has changed over the years but as I get closer I know what it means to me today. My commitment for this year has been to work on myself so much that I shed all of the lingering issues that no longer serve me. The ideas is that as I turn 30 next year, I will have created a sturdy top layer on this foundation upon which I will rebuild and reinvent myself. I believe a lot of my gifts, strengths, ideas, and desires are all bubbling up to the surface right now, ready to come out and serve the world. I will be making some large and in charge changes to my life and I’m excited. (No, I am not getting a sex change, I’ve already been asked.) I’ve been weighing pros and cons of a few different ideas and I’m still wrestling around with a couple that have made it to the final round. The beauty is that I don’t have to know the how, just the what. I can let go of needing to know every detail and simply live each day to the very fullest, with the most love, for the highest good for all.

Today has not been an “epic” birthday in the popular sense of the word, but to me, today will go down as a truly enlightening day. I opened myself up to receive messages, healing and wisdom from God/Source/Universe, etc., and boy did I. Some details are mostly private to me but I do have messages for everyone. Here’s what the Truth says to us all…

Love really is everything.
We are too busy and too deaf to hear the truth that we so desperately ask for.
We have to quiet down and listen to live in peace.
There is always more than enough for everyone, forever. There is no need for greed.
Everything we need to know is already within us.

I know, I know, it’s sounds very hippy dippy of me but you’re welcome.

So, it begins, this 29th year on the 14th of March. Another year that I journey and explore the depths of this life and how I can be of service. Today is really just another day. Another marker in time. If you even believe in time as it has been said that it’s just an illusion, along with space. But in this realm as we know it, today is important to me not because it’s my birthday, but because I’ve been opened up in ways I couldn’t imagine. I feel lighter. Calmer. Peaced out. Relaxified. And yes, a little wiser.

It has been a very happy birthday to me, the 29th on the 14th.

What were the most memorable birthdays for you?

 


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!

Budapest, Hungary #eurotrip2016

Budapest, Hungary

Ah Budapest! My favorite city of all time. (Besides San Diego) Unfortunately, we spent the least amount of time in Budapest so I’m very eager to return and explore even more. We took a seven-hour bus ride from Krakow to Budapest during the day so we got see the countryside of Poland, Slovenia and Hungary. The Lux Express bus was actually quite comfortable with tv screens in the headrests so I was able to watch Gilmore Girls the whole time. That’s a win in my book! Plus, we took up the whole back row so I had three empty seats next to me to spread out and so did Erick. I was easy to relax and just enjoy the ride. One thing that did bother me was the timing of our stop to get food. I don’t know why the driver took so long to stop. I was starving by the time we stopped at a gas station and there’s not much to choose from at a gas station. Other than that I would totally ride the Lux Express again.

We took the metro lines from the bus stop into the city, and thankfully Erick used to live in Budapest so I didn’t have to figure out another metro system in a language I didn’t know two bits about. Since we got in late in the evening, we really just wanted to eat some dinner and go to bed early. Being the Americans that we are, we thought Hooters would be funny to go to and we were so hungry that wings and beer sounded awesome after a long day on a bus. We walked over to the nearest Hooters which looked pretty good. We sat down and immediately ordered beer and mojito. I was also ready to order fried pickles and wings. Let’s get the ball rolling! I was salivating looking at the menu. Well, the fake blonde, big-chested Hungarian Hooters girl let us know they were completely out of beer, all of but two wing sauces and all food would take at least 30-40 minutes to come out. We were shocked as it was only 8pm on a Friday night, not closing time. Who ate all the food and drank all the beer!? We soon found out as the huge group of bachelor party dudes came stumbling out of the building. It was funny until it wasn’t, an hour later and we were still waiting. Needless to say, we weren’t impressed and decided to have local Hungarian food the next day.

Saturday was thermal bath day! Budapest sits on a huge natural thermal springs that supplies the city with this amazing healing luxury. As a massage therapist, health and wellness enthusiast and pure water lover, I couldn’t wait to try this out.  We put our swimsuits on, had lunch at the restaurant next door to our hotel and then head to metro. When we came up from the stop to ground level and I saw the grand building of the thermal bath, I was pleasantly surprised at its beauty. I love the architecture and the funny sculptures and statues. You pay your fee and get this little watch thing that is your key to your locker in the locker room. The place has locker rooms and cabins you can rent if you want to get a service like a facial or massage after you’re done with the baths. I just got the locker room option although I would have loved to spend all of my money on spa services for the rest of the day. The outdoor area is huge with two swimming pools, a lap pool and whirlpool that’s fun for a little spin. Inside, there are even more lap pools, jacuzzis, steam showers and changing areas. It was so relaxing to be in 70 degree weather with 98-110 degree water. The breeze made it a little chilly if you were out of the water but if you just stayed in it was wonderful. After a while, we had enough and took the rest of the afternoon to explore the park and bridge areas. Such a beautiful day!

That night, we went out to see the Parliament at night, which is up there with the Eiffel Tower. It was stunning. I don’t use the word “stunning” too often but that’s what comes to mind. It was quite beautiful and romantic. We then walked across the Chain Bridge, another sparkling beauty. We spent the rest of the evening checking out the nightlife of Budapest. Some streets felt like Rainey Street in Austin with the young hipsters running about but this seemed more chill and more exciting at the same time. It’s hard to describe why I loved the energy so much. Maybe it was because I knew it was my last night of my European adventure and I was trying to soak it all up. Either way, I fell in love with Budapest. And the next day solidified it even more for me. The weather was gorgeous, everything seemed right. We ate breakfast at a small boutique hotel and met some people from Guadalajara, Mexico which was lovely. We then set out to go up to the Citadel. We walked through the beautiful old buildings, took pictures and I tried to stop time, knowing I was only hours from boarding my plane back to Paris.

When we got back to the hotel, where I would catch the shuttle bus back to the airport, I started feeling all my emotions rising up again. I begged myself not to cry. How could these two weeks be over? How am I supposed to say goodbye? I changed clothes, cleaned up my tears and faced the reality of this vacation coming to an end. I said a tearful goodbye to Erick and watched him walk down the street and down the stairs into the metro stop. I missed him already.

I feel bad for the poor guys who happened to ride the airport shuttle with me as it was pretty obvious, even under my big, dark sunglasses, that I was wiping more tears away and sniffling. By the time I was getting on my EasyJet flight, the sore throat and stuffy nose I was ignoring since Friday couldn’t be ignored any longer and decided to not play nice anymore. When you’re already feeling down, realizing you’re getting a sinus infection just adds insult to injury. The next day’s 10 hour flight from Paris to Houston was, of course, an even harder time to have coughing, sneezing, sinus pressure, etc. I couldn’t sleep so I just watched movies. I really wished that I had asked a doctor to prescribe some knock-you-the-hell-out drugs for this particular flight. All in all, I had a smooth traveling experience and couldn’t have asked for anything better considering this was my first international trip.

I have so many thoughts and learnings to reflect on from my days in Paris, Prague, Krakow and Budapest that it’s taking me a while to sort them all out. Travel really changes you. I can’t wait to see what residual effects I see in myself from now on.