Can I Forgive Hate?

“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Whenever I would see that part of scripture in the Bible I always thought about it from the perspective that Jesus was asking for mercy for the people killing him but that was such a Jesus thing to do that I never really thought twice about it. As if I could never do that because I’m not Jesus. We’re asked to live like him but forgiving such evil and hatred is not something us regular humans can do. Right?

As I’ve grown up and learned a whole lot about forgiveness, I’m looking at that scripture differently. Most spiritual teachings include forgiveness, but not really for the other person or people, but for yourself. Can forgiveness be a selfish thing to do? Absolutely. I have a choice between hating someone else for the hate they have in their heart or I can feel love and compassion because I know they don’t know what they’re really doing. I feel the feelings, they don’t feel my feelings. So why feel hate when I can feel something a whole lot better like compassion and love?

You might be thinking, okay here we go with that hippy love is all that matters bullshit. What about these assholes who are committing hate CRIMES!? They certainly know what they’re doing!!

Okay, I understand that totally. I have been ANGRY at racism and bigotry my whole life. I have never understood it. I can’t fathom thinking about another person as lesser than because of race, nationality or religion. Or can I? What am I saying when I can’t think of someone as lesser than but right afterward think that the “evil” people in the world are lesser than me because they think those things about other people. That’s not any better.

So, as I see reports of the hate in Charlottesville, and all around the world, I have a choice to add more hate to it by hating those people OR I can believe that they don’t know what they’re doing and forgive them. I kinda like to look at people, even adults, as toddlers. When a toddler dumps over something and stains a carpet, or breaks something valuable, I’m not mad at the toddler. I understand they didn’t realize the implications of their actions yet. They’re not enlightened to the law of gravity yet. They haven’t quite understood the value in those things yet. So when I see people hurting other people with violence and hate crimes, of course it’s sad and of course I hate those actions, BUT I choose compassion. Hating something makes ME feel the hate. So, I ask for forgiveness for them because they truly do not understand their own hate. They hate themselves. They hate their lives. They don’t understand how the world truly works and they are adding to the negative side of the balance of the universe. Can you remember a time you did something “bad” and really didn’t understand how far reaching it would be? And now that you’ve come out to the other side of that situation you KNOW better? There’s a knowing in you that would never let yourself do that again? I’ve certainly not truly known what I was doing as a full grown adult, many times. But now I do.

Again, you might be thinking, “Oh here we go! This girl is delusional. She is naive. She has her head in the sand.” I understand why you think that. But I ask what if more people thought like I think? What if we could reduce the amount of hate in the world? Don’t you think that could solve some problems? I completely believe in standing up for what’s right, kind, and loving in this world. I believe in boundaries and consequences. I believe in taking action, but from a place of compassion, love, determination, confidence, not hate. I believe that the hateful people in the world will certainly attract more hate and violence to themselves. I don’t want to be one of those people. Of course, I wish Donald Trump would/could do something about it but I’ve not had faith in that toddler since the beginning so why would I expect him to change overnight? Donald Trump cannot fix this issue. We had these issues way before he became our president. These are individual issues stemming from our own misunderstanding of the world, of other cultures, of other races, whose flames have been fueled by more hate and misguided thinking.  

We have the power to decide how we show up in the world. Let’s decide to love instead.

Speak love, seek love, be love, and act from love.

Love, love, love.

 


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!

My Little Thyroid

I had my 6-month follow up with my endocrinologist to see how the new thyroid meds worked on my hypothyroidism. Even though my thyroid still isn’t functioning properly and I need to start a higher dose, she was very impressed with my weight loss. I explained what I was doing (no sugar/no flour and intermittent fasting). She said she usually doesn’t suggest low/no carb because “it’s not sustainable” but agrees that it does work. I just said “Yep, it’s not sustainable if you decide to go back to eating the sugar and flour but I’m done with it so it’s easy.” I explained to her how it’s like if you were to put a pack of cigarettes in front of me and said that I couldn’t have any. It wouldn’t bother me at all because I just don’t smoke cigarettes. It’s just a decision that I stick to. She just stared at me blankly. It was as if she had never heard of a patient just making a decision before. I love when people tell me that the improvements I’ve been making are not sustainable…as if the life I was living before was?

Even though I could have taken the thyroid result and turned it into “there’s something wrong with me” or “I’m broken”, I’m so used to the new mindset I’ve been working on in my coaching program for the last six months that I didn’t have a single negative thought about it. I just observed that my little thyroid needs extra help. I’m also not using my thyroid as an excuse to stay overweight as I have in years past. “Oh well of course I’m fat, I have hypothyroidism.” Not anymore!

I have never left a doctor appointment feeling so good about myself when I got a “negative” result. In fact, just before I found this endocrinologist, I went to a different one. I left that office feeling the worst I had in a long time. I had let her make me feel so badly about myself. She tried to use scare tactics and run all these tests on me (probably trying to run up my insurance) and say I probably have thyroid cancer and liver disease, just by looking at me. I felt so broken. I thought that I had finally done myself in. I hated myself. I had begun to learn about really managing my thoughts and emotions but had not practiced it enough to not go into a downward spiral. And so when I went to my new doctor, she ran all the same tests and showed me how I do not have thyroid cancer or liver disease. No diabetes, not even close. I’m actually quite healthy! I just need some help with my thyroid levels. Not a big deal. I still felt broken but started to feel hopeful.

It’s times like these that I’m so truly thankful for the work I’ve been doing in my life. I can now decide to think the thoughts that best serve me and create emotions that I want to feel, while noticing what naturally comes up and feeling it all out, negative or positive. I’ve heard people make a few comments about how they don’t want to be robots and not have emotions. This work is not about not feeling emotions but actually really feeling them. You don’t feel your feelings when you over drink or overeat or gossip or watch porn or binge on Netflix. You’re just covering them up. I’m deciding to feel it all out and know that I have the power to redirect my thoughts at any time, if I want to. Sometimes I choose to let myself feel sad about something. Otherwise I would be a sociopath.

I can decide if the doctor is giving me “bad news” or just news. The facts are my little thyroid needs some help. So, I got a new prescription. That’s it. I can be grateful for modern medicine and move on with my life. I am not broken.

Today I choose to think, “My body is a wonderful universe of miracles and it gives me beautiful experiences in this life.” That feels amazing.

What thoughts/emotions are you creating?

 


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!

My mother, my best friend.

Today, I realized my mom is my best friend. I couldn’t feel more lucky to have her in my life. The last few conversations with her have included her telling me that she loves me, that she’s proud of me, that she believes in me and all of my desires. Could it get any better than that?

 

A little while back I decided to just mother myself the way I thought she should have throughout my childhood. I decided that I would love myself unconditionally. That I would believe in myself and my dreams. That I would be proud of myself every day.

 

Turns out I always was mothered like that by my own mom! No matter what I thought she should have done or said throughout my life, she has always loved who I was. She’s never criticized or judged my lifestyle. She’s never demanded I go out and live my life a certain way to make her happy. She’s never told me I was an embarrassment to the family. She’s always had my back when I’ve felt alone in the world. When I’m hurting, emotionally or physically, she’s the one I want to call. When all hell breaks loose in my world, I want her to know, not so she can fix it but so she can just simply love me through it.

 

A few years ago, I could not have imagined saying any of this because I was choosing to think certain thoughts about my childhood, my young adulthood and her own life. She’s changed and grown in certain ways, but not because I changed her. She’s transforming her own life because she wants to. I’m lucky enough to witness it. We’re both able to see each other move gracefully through the world, growing, changing, being challenged. When I released all the ideas of what she should do in order to make me feel a certain way, I let her be who she is, which is perfect, I get to just enjoy her.

 

It’s simply beautiful.

 


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!

The Not So Little Ballerina

I posted this on Instagram/Facebook yesterday and figured I would expand on my thoughts here.

“A long time ago, when I took a free community ballet class as an inspired 11 year old, someone close to me said I was “too fat to be a ballerina” and unfortunately, I cemented that thought into a belief for many years. Even though I grew up and decided to be a dancer anyway through ballroom and social dancing, there was always that cemented blocker between me and ballet. It was too late and I was just too fat. Today, I decide to break that barrier and take my first adult beginner ballet class. Even though I may not ever look like @mistyonpointe I love her message of loving AND dancing in the body you’re in. Here’s to being whatever the hell I want to be!”

As a child, whenever I watched movies with singing and dancing in them I was glued. I would secretly move my hips around and around in the mirror like they did in Dirty Dancing. I would run through my house, leaping in the air, pretending to be Jody from Center Stage. I would watch music videos and try to keep up with the fast choreography of Michael, Janet, Britney, Christina, and so many more.

Even though I was a natural performer, I was only able to participate in the free stuff at school like talent shows and holiday programs, Theater Class and Choir. But dance classes and teams cost a lot of money so I just pretended, hoping and wishing that someday I would magically turn into a ballerina.

Don’t worry, this is not a woe-is-me story about a poor kid. I’m way over blaming my childhood for my adulthood however this is the background of my current story.

The current story I am deciding to tell is that I am capable of doing anything I damn well please. I won’t let my current body shape, finances, or opinions of other people slow me down, any longer. The last ten years I’ve been heavily involved in the social dance scene, especially West Coast Swing, and there were certainly times of insecurity and doubt but I loved it so much that I persisted. The life lessons I learned because of dance are immeasurable and priceless. Doing scary things makes you tougher and more beautiful.

Now, I’m starting a new dance journey of all the dances that I thought I was too fat or too poor to do when I was a little wannabe dancer. Yesterday I started with ballet. Soon, I’ll enroll in jazz and tap classes. I took a peak at the lyrical hip-hop class in the studio next to my ballet class and as my body gets stronger, I’m signing up for that one, too.

I feel like a whole new dancer has been reborn inside me.

This not-so-little ballerina is coming out, wiggles and jiggles and all!

 

*Stay tuned for more stories from this new dance journey as I log more life lessons, wins and failures.

 

 

 

**Image from http://mistycopeland.com/


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!

 

Mind Games

We create our own Heaven or Hell here on Earth, I believe, with our thoughts. This is not about “the Secret” or “Law of Attraction” stuff. This is not about just saying words to yourself in the mirror everyday and hoping a magic genie will appear and grant you your wishes.  Although, it is pretty simple. I’ve learned thoughts create feelings which drive actions which create the results you see in your life. Sometimes those results are hellacious and sometimes, heavenly.

I’ve been creating some of my very own misery lately. All by myself, no help needed. I’ll notice a negative thought, or let’s get real, many negative thoughts, and then still wonder why I’m feeling anxiety or why my stomach is flip flopping all day. I love when this happens because I realize just how much of a beginner I am at life. I’ll feel wise and accomplished and then BAM. I’m humbled again. I welcome these teaching moments. They help me push through and work these life muscles. I get stronger and stronger each time.

As an outsider looking into my life you might not see any reason to think negative thoughts. And you would be correct, my friend. Life is amazing. My life is amazing. However, I still wake up with self-loathing and anxiety. I know that in those early waking moments I have a choice. Indulge in those emotions and let them drive my actions for the rest of the day, which will inevitably create more misery. OR, I can notice these thoughts and remember how tricky this brain can be and say, “Not-uh, buddy. Not today.” And then choose new thoughts that align with my greater purpose and goals.

This morning’s thoughts went like this….

As I notice my stomach not feeling great, “GOD EMILY WHY ALL THE ICE CREAM??”

(My mom and I ate Ben & Jerry’s together while watching some Netflix last night. Don’t judge. It makes you ugly.)

As I notice my knees creaking and cracking, “Jesus, Emily, lose the damn weight already and you wouldn’t feel like a 70 year old. Get your shit together.”

As I wash my hands in the bathroom sink and look at my face in the mirror, “Emily, if you don’t f*!@#ing start wearing sunscreen you’re going to lose the only damn thing going for you.”

And so on and so on.

I would never talk to my friends or family like this. It hurts to even see these words on the screen. Why are we so hard on ourselves!? It’s going to take rewiring this brain of mine every single day for the rest of my life to create new automatic morning thoughts but I’m willing to put in the work to reap the reward.

Here are some new thoughts I’m creating this morning instead…

As I notice the way my bedhead hair falls over to one side, “Ooh girl, you look kinda cute in the mornings.”

As I notice the soreness in my thighs from working out yesterday, “Man, I love how muscles work. My legs are so strong. Thick thighs saves lives.”

As I check my financials online, “Yes, I’m moving towards my financial goals like a damn BOSS!”

As I look at the day ahead, “Life is so amazing. I am so dang lucky to be living my life. I can’t wait to see what love and laughter I can create today.”

What kinda life are your thoughts creating? Hope it’s heavenly!

 


Thanks for reading!!! I love to hear back from readers. What do you think about this topic? Have you had similar experiences? What helped you the most? Please comment below!


*I do not make any money off of this blog. I don’t get any kickbacks from products or books I write about. Just sharing the love!