I can remember saying to myself that when I became a mom I would NEVER be like her.
I can remember starting to feel apathy and indifference towards her. It would be easier to not care than to love this woman.
Over the past 15 years, I’ve gone from feeling disdain to unconditional love and compassion. Through many fights, long, hard discussions, tears, boundary setting, getting coached and lots of inner work, I now have the best relationship with my mother.
I didn’t require her to change in order for me to forgive her. I didn’t require her to start doing anything differently in order for me to respect or love her. It was my own choice to change how I thought about her. It’s that simple, and it’s that hard.
I decided I wanted a good relationship with mom. I decided I would make the effort. I decided that no matter what, I will feel love and compassion. I decided to think these thoughts instead.
She did the very best she could with the knowledge and awareness she had at the time.
She is worthy of pure love and respect.
She is one of the hardest working people I know.
She can always find a reason to laugh and smile.
She can be so silly without getting embarrassed.
She’s very thoughtful and caring.
She loves so fiercely.
She is the best Grandma I could have ever imagined her being.
She loves her daughters and grandson more than anything in the world.
We are so lucky to have her in our lives.
I’m so glad I chose her to be my mom.
I’m so glad I can be a mom just like her.