Anxiety

My brain offers up terrible thoughts that make me feel anxiety.

I feel tightness in my chest and jaw muscles and stop breathing for a whole minute. A heaviness in the pit of my stomach. Hands balled in a fist.

I have to stop and notice all the physical sensations and take a long, deep breath. 

Sometimes, I’m able to turn it around pretty quickly. Sometimes, I spin in anxiety for hours. 

What I’ve learned over the past few years is that feeing anxious isn’t who I am. It’s both emotion and physical sensations I feel because of my thoughts. 

My thoughts about losing someone I love in the future, or about not getting something important done on time or the way I want it, Cory feeling any kind of pain or discomfort, all kinds of stuff.

Where do these thoughts come from? 

When I don’t direct my brain to solve problems that I want it to solve then it will create problems on its own. It’s very efficient and good at that. It’s my job to manage it, remind it that I’m in charge, and bring myself back to this present moment and KNOW that this is all there is. 

Right here and now. 

And I breathe. I’m at peace with what is.