Empath Or Victim?

I love when something I learned years ago in Massage Therapy school pops up in my coaching life. 

In one of my massage classes our instructor taught us how to sort of build an energetic shield around us so that we don’t “take on” the energy of the client when we work on their bodies. We learned how to center ourselves first, grounding in our own energy before we began the session.

I remember it being a profound lesson at the time because I had the idea that I was an intuitive empath and just couldn’t help how stressed out people made me feel stressed out or how when someone was negative at work it would also bring me down for the whole day. I learned that we create energy in our bodies with our mind and we can show up as the therapist with a calm, clear energy and not let our clients rattle us. 

Fast forward to coaching and I now see how this works even more clearly! When we observe someone else’s behaviors, tone, body language, words, we have a thought about it our heads. Often we can be right on the money and guess that this person indeed feels sad about the exact issue we think it is. BUT we can never know what someone is actually thinking and feeling. It’s all a speculation. 

So, if that’s true, then we are making up a story in our mind about what someone is feeling, what their energy/vibe is. That story, made up of thoughts, or sentences in our brain, creates an emotion in our own bodies. And folks like me who are “perceptive” or are just really, really good at paying attention to people think they are feeling what the other person is feeling. When really, we are feeling what we “think” they are feeling. 

That means when you work with someone who says what you would call negative things and think “they are negative” you get to feel to the negativity. They are feeling whatever it is they are feeling because of THEIR own thoughts. You don’t have to feel it, too. You generate your feelings with YOUR own thoughts. 

This is great news because then we can stop being the victim of the people around us. I think a lot of people like to call themselves an empath so they don’t have to take responsibility for their own emotions and can blame the world for feeling crappy. I know because I used to be that exact person. “I just can’t help what I feel!” 

I would still say that I get intuitive feelings, perhaps you could call it messages from God or the Holy Spirit, The Universe, Higher Self, whatever it is, but rarely do I believe it’s outside of my own thoughts. Sometimes it’s just our primitive brain offering up instinctual survival mechanisms to keep us safe. It’s all good, let’s just take responsibility for it and empower ourselves!

So, it’s a good question to ask yourself…are you truly an empath or are you playing the victim?


​If you’re interested learning more about the tools and concepts I write about here on the blog, and want to take this work to a deeper level in your own life, book a free coaching call with me! Click HERE to use my online scheduler to find a time that works best.