Self-Sabotage in Relationships

The way you perceive your partner, or the lack thereof, is a reflection of your own thoughts about yourself. 


Got some insecurities? Your partner will for sure shine the light on them and have you take a deeper look into it. 


Got some imposter syndrome? Marrying the man of your dreams will for sure bring up doubts that you even deserve him. 


Got some past trauma? Your partner saying words (any words at all) can trigger a deep pain in your little girl self that makes you want to hide in shame. 


This is where self-sabotage comes in. You get what you’ve been working so hard for and then boom! Your brain reminds you that you’re NOT worthy of this joy. That you should feel guilty for getting what you’ve dreamed of when the people around you are suffering. You should probably push this love away. You should probably go back to the suffering yourself. You should probably start a fight and get him really, really mad so he’ll realize you’re not actually good enough for him so he’ll leave. That way you’ll have another person to blame for your loneliness. 


Y’all, I’ve been there/I am there, and I know this story all too well. 


Partnerships are not hard. 


Relationships are not hard. 


Being single is not hard. 


All this suffering we create unnecessarily is hard. We do it to ourselves! The “hard work” people speak of in relationships is the work we do on ourselves. Yep, that’s hard. It’s uncomfortable to look inside and see that you are responsible for how you feel.

Thankfully we can do hard and uncomfortable things, and we grow. We become stronger, with or without the partner. We learn that we have the capacity and strength to feel any emotion that life has to offer, from the most terrible of terrors to the most blissful of joys. And in that case, we might as well choose worthiness, belonging, accomplishment, love, and joy. 


We can leave self-sabotage in the past and from now on be able to sit with and feel the glory of love. Love for friends, family, partner, and most importantly, for ourselves.


Can you enjoy that feeling without trying to escape it?

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