I went to two different therapists in my twenties. Although I would say one was better than the other in terms of asking me good questions and getting me to see some things differently but mostly I felt like I was just telling them my same old story of childhood and young adulthood traumas and then telling them how that made me feel and how I thought it affected my current relationships.
Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way saying I’m against therapy. If you find a therapist that helps you, GLORY IN THE HIGHEST! I just got to this point where I felt like I had already told the same stories to my friends and family, got some different perspective and healed in a way that I was able to cope with life but that’s just it. I was telling the same story and was just getting by.
It wasn’t until I started my coaching programs that I was able to finally learn that the way I saw the world, past events, people in my life, was my completely biased perspective. I thought I was stating facts but I was just telling the story that worked for me to cope as a child. Those stories served me at the time when I was incapable of any other perspective. But as I grew into adulthood those stories no longer served me. In fact, they became self-destructive.
I had to learn that there are neutral facts in the world, a circumstance. (I have a father.) Then my brain forms a thought, a sentence describing that fact. (My father abandoned me because he didn’t love me.) Then my body creates an emotion, a feeling. (Sad, lonely, angry) Most of us think that our thoughts are the facts and that the outside thing (people, events, situations) make us feel something. We skip over our own thoughts. The thoughts we are entirely responsible for.
I choose to believe that both my parents love me so much they can’t even describe it in words. How can I believe that looking at everything that happened? What about the stories of trauma? Abandonment?
I have shifted my perspective little by little over time through all of this deep inner work to have compassion above all else. To find understanding in who people are and what they chose to do or not do, and NOT make it about me or their love for me. To love people where they are at and not create any other expectation of how they should make me feel. Because how I feel is my responsibility. Talk about feeling empowered and grown up!
I didn’t learn that in my therapy sessions. It was a good practice in venting and expressing, getting it all out, which is an amazing first step. But I needed more. I needed practical application of how to move on, how to become more than the abandoned child I believed I was.
I think so many people in their twenties struggle with this. We’re told that we’re now adults and fully responsible for our lives, yet we don’t know what that means AT ALL. We need some how-to steps. We need someone to hold space for us to express, to heal, AND to start creating the next version of ourselves. That’s the power in professional life coaching. It helps us learn “adulting” as the kids call it these days. 😉
I’m so thankful that I was able to finally breakthrough the BS by the time I turned 30 so that I could make room for what’s happening now. I shed my 20-year old stories. I let them float away. I’m now creating such a beautiful, abundant life full of love and possibility! I love to go back to my little-girl self in my mind, give her a hug and show her everything we’ve accomplished so far, and what I have planned for us next. It’s a big circle of healing that I couldn’t have imagined before.
I wonder what stories are holding you back today? Are you struggling with thinking that this is even possible for you? You’re no different than me, my friend! I’m no more special than you are. You can do all of this same work and in time see a completely different life before you. What will you choose?
If you’re interested learning more about the tools and concepts I write about here on the blog, and want to take this work to a deeper level in your own life, book a free coaching call with me! Click HERE to use my online scheduler to find a time that works best.