People get confused when we talk about belief systems along with thoughts, patterns, etc. People think belief systems are just about religion or faith.
When I talk about belief systems, I’m talking about a collection of thoughts that you’ve thought over and over and over again until it’s the only way you see things. Most likely beliefs taught to you by your own family, friends, the church, society, etc. from the time you were a tiny tot.
For example, think about what you believe a romantic relationship is all about? Why do we “fall in love” with other humans? What is the role of a partner? What should they do, say, believe?
All of your answers are your thoughts about relationships. They make up your belief system about relationships.
They are not facts.
This is where a lot of us get into trouble. We suffer when we believe something should be a certain way, a partner should act a certain way, or that we should feel a certain way all of the time in a relationship.
When we compare and think, “Well so-and-so looks so happy in her relationship ALL THE TIME, and I don’t, this must not be the right relationship.” We start to suffer BIG TIME.
The beliefs are not lining up with the circumstances.
But what if we can turn those thoughts around? What if we decided to believe something different? “I can create my own satisfaction, fulfillment, and joy without trying to control my partner.”
Then we can allow both of us to be who we are and just love each other simply because love is the best feeling, and we can feel it on purpose!
What are your belief systems in relationships?
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